He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
