I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
