Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i barfeds in our rink

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(612): i barfeds in our rink http://tfl.nu/23a8

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(402): View more from Nebraska

she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.

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(402): she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook. http://tfl.nu/e703

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(207): View more from Maine

can u get pink eye on your cock?

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(207): can u get pink eye on your cock? http://tfl.nu/aw6r

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(812): View more from Indiana

The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

(317): View more from Indiana

Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

(812): View more from Indiana

Ah, my reputation precedes me.

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(812): The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me. (317): Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around. (812): Ah, my reputation precedes me. http://tfl.nu/vl1p

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser

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(336): I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser http://tfl.nu/rv8v

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(860): View more from Connecticut

what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?

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(860): what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday? http://tfl.nu/71tj

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(660): View more from Missouri

Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?

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(660): Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test? http://tfl.nu/cwr3

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.

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(610): It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays. http://tfl.nu/4je9

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic

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(908): Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic http://tfl.nu/xmss

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.

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(203): I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me. http://tfl.nu/grro

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(815): View more from Illinois

She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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(815): She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode. http://tfl.nu/19jg

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(618): View more from Illinois

Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.

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(618): Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly. http://tfl.nu/ma4l

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions

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(609): Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles? (1-609): In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions http://tfl.nu/67pw

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(812): View more from Indiana

I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you

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(812): I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you http://tfl.nu/vw2w

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.

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(336): You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that. http://tfl.nu/r9t5

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