Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina