You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
