question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.