I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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