I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
