I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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