My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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