just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
