Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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