How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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