No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
