Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
