i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
