Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
