I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
