I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
