Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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