Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
