Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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