CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
