thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
