I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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