You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
