WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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