my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
you're hired as official boob wrangler
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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