he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
