glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
