sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
