I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
