get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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