just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
