I seem to have left my pride at pride
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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