got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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