No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
