i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
