So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
