He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
