so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
