Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
