You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
