Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
