Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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