I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
