You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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