I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
