you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize