I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
