this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
