so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
