The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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