in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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