Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is the high leading the old right now
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
