Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
