I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
