you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
