Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
