I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
