i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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