The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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