And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
