"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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