I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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