I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
