she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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