I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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