She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
